did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
