Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
