It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
