everyone is single if you try hard enough
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
