I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
