we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
