theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
