but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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