She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
