is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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