Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
