Your dad touched me again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
