is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
