he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
