At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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