i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
