I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
