The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
