I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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