I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
