Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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