OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
