Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
