so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
