Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
