Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
