he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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