I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
