my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
