did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
