I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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