Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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