I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
