He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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