I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
