Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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