he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
