And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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