so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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