I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
