I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
