I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
