New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You're like the curious george of whores
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
