I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
