Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
