I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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