oh god the rape fog is back!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
