Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
