I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
