wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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