you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
