I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
