We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
