I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
