did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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