If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
